WBB Tour: Applebee's

If this is your first time coming to the site, you will probably want to read our intro so you are aware of what a bunch of dumbasses we are … INTRO

Bar #4 – Applebee’s

Address – There are 8 Applebee’s in the Wichita vicinity. We went to the one located at 320 S. Ridge.

Category – Restaurant

Barry: Ok, so we all know Applebee’s isn’t a typical bar but we wanted this to be a complete list of bars in Wichita and, actually, Applebee’s has a decent bar (as do many other restaurant type places).  We didn’t know where to draw the line so we decided we were going to go anywhere they’re serving alcohol.  We might even show up at a few Catholic churches along the way.

Dick: Why the fuck are we at Applebee’s?

Boozer: Well it’s kind of like that Talladega Nights movie where they say, “Hey why don’t we go get kicked out of an Applebee’s?”

Dick: Yeah that’s probably what will happen if some douchebag suburbanite tries to get me to join in on a chorus of happy birthday for his 8 year old mistake of a kid.

Barry: To my surprise it appears that the Applebee’s bar has some regulars.  There’s the guy who has a DUI and the closest place to walk from his house is Applebee’s.  There’s the guy who is trying to avoid his family and watch the game.  Then there’s the 80 year old who is reading the newspaper.

Boozer: I didn’t think they even made newspapers anymore.

Dick: I don’t think so either. I think gramps is reading the Beat Street News.  Quality rag, I think Wichitaco picked one up at Mexican Burrito’s last week.

Barry: It’s weird to be drinking when little Billy’s soccer team is 10 feet away.

Boozer: Well they gotta learn someday that life ain’t all puppy dogs and ice cream. It’s mostly booze and porn.

Barry: Ok what do you guys like/dislike about drinking at Applebee’s? I like that if you go late enough the apps are cheap.  I also got a Long Island for $4.  I don’t like that there’s virtually no way to take a female home unless you just got your learner’s permit.

Boozer:  That’s never stopped you before Barry. I was surprised that I liked it so much.  Cheap drinks late and sometimes you can get birthday cake if you are nice to the bartender.

Dick: This place sucks. Get me the fuck out of here before I put a Pot Sticker in little Billy’s Riblet.

Applebee’s Ratings:

Chances of …

… Barry getting laid by a frequent customer: 32%

… Barry getting caught flirting with an underage waitress: 86%

… Boozer maxing out his credit card on overpriced drinks: 29%

… Boozer getting a DUI after leaving: 65%

… Dick getting his ass kicked by a local: 17%

… Barry ordering the entire half price apps and throwing up between two mini vans outside: 93%

… Dick getting kicked out for cussing out an 8 year old for staring at him: 89%

Bar Rankings so far …

1. The Anchor

2. Annex Lounge

3. AJ’s Sports Grill

4. Applebee’s

Next Bar:  The Artichoke Sandwich Bar